Self restriction

I just want to narrate one incident which happened last week. IT was the weekend and I was as usual doing something at home and then comes the call from my colleague. OK , he has this habit of giving a call from the office landline if he is working on a weekend. So as soon as I see the call this is the first thought which came into my mind. Then he asked some 2-3 questions. Outwardly with all good intentions but he has somewhat getting my ok before he sends out an email. He wanted to let me know that he is not overruling me. But then in the process with my prejudice I started to spell out what was there in my mind. But if I see the outcome, I realised quite a number of things.



- As a PM lot of things which I should have planned I have not done. I am lazy

- As an outcome of the email and the replies we just realised that there will be a delay of 2 weeks. The project is already dealyed for more than year.

- He never wants to reveal what he is going to do.



But then after realising all this what did I do ? Nothing. Anyhow. Somehow I thought of picking up the following from the daily prayer website I go to http://www.sacredspace.ie/. It is a very apt way to wind down a day.



How do I find myself today?

Where am I with God?

With others?

Do I have something to be grateful for? Then I give thanks.

Is there something I am sorry for? Then I ask forgiveness.



This could be elaborated further for your daily job related activites as well. Right? Need to think.

Nowadays I am bend upon getting my time management done properly. I am following loosely the Peter Bregman suggestion of "Make your day in 18 minutes" and also Tom Peters words of "1. Every day morning , write down a list of things that need to be done that day.

2. DO THEM"



Let us see how I progress. Will monitor the progress everyday. YEsterday was a day proclaimed myself as a lazy day. Was very tired in the morning when I woke up. The weekend sports made me so tired that I was cursing myself. Everyday morning I wake up with the curse that I did not start studying again. I have to get up at 04:30 in the morning!!!!!

Bit by journalling again

Bloody reaching half of your life span if I consider I will live till 80. Too much!! Well what is wrong in thinking like that. Today I just thought to put down what is bugging me for the last few weeks. Was on a vacation for 2 weeks in the last month. Had a good time. But was having a painful time after I came back.
Yaar, I am a homely guy. All seems to be fine. I cannot decide why I get so possessed about my relationships. Once you are confident of a relationship you get confident of how it goes and well then you are really free to leave it on its own way. Otherwise you are ensuring all the time that everything is done in the right way. But is this fair to the other relationships. Well till a period of time I had all the explanations why an extra support was needed for that relationship but what is the moral reasoning now??? I even goes to the extent that I feel I am doing injustice to my kids by giving importance to them. Or is it just too much of thinking. Well needs to figure out.

I have seen that I am not motivated at all. I cannot beleive how I pull on? My wife is having a shock everytime she hears that. Well here is where the saying is apt? Is it not true that "Imperfection is perfect for true love". I have been lucky to have somebody who understands me and loves me to the tilt. Well I need to look on the things I have been blessed with . A lovely family, loving wife, loving parents, loving children, loving sister and so on and so forth. My mind just had the surge to start whinning again. Had to bring back to the point that I was trying to list out my blessings. Roti, Kapada and Makan is their by Gods providence. As somebody said You can say you have enough money when you can buy things that you wish. Have I reached that stage. Well here I have to compare, 10 years back I was not in that stage but today definitely they are something which I can buy. But then are you the same as 10 years back. You have two kids my friend. So money will never be enough. What else do you have?? Have been leading a healthy and comfy life for the last 10 years. Has all the basic amneties? Is it only 10 years? OK let us say once I started living on my own earnings. So what else you have. Health, Wealth(debatable), Supportive social system. Well have been lagging on the social life in terms of another wealth which is friends. Other than work related I never had other friends for the last 10 years, that is pathetic. Why is it?? Need to think about it.
I will stop for now. I did threw up what came in my mind. Well as days progress I will have a proper sense probably.