Bit by journalling again

Bloody reaching half of your life span if I consider I will live till 80. Too much!! Well what is wrong in thinking like that. Today I just thought to put down what is bugging me for the last few weeks. Was on a vacation for 2 weeks in the last month. Had a good time. But was having a painful time after I came back.
Yaar, I am a homely guy. All seems to be fine. I cannot decide why I get so possessed about my relationships. Once you are confident of a relationship you get confident of how it goes and well then you are really free to leave it on its own way. Otherwise you are ensuring all the time that everything is done in the right way. But is this fair to the other relationships. Well till a period of time I had all the explanations why an extra support was needed for that relationship but what is the moral reasoning now??? I even goes to the extent that I feel I am doing injustice to my kids by giving importance to them. Or is it just too much of thinking. Well needs to figure out.

I have seen that I am not motivated at all. I cannot beleive how I pull on? My wife is having a shock everytime she hears that. Well here is where the saying is apt? Is it not true that "Imperfection is perfect for true love". I have been lucky to have somebody who understands me and loves me to the tilt. Well I need to look on the things I have been blessed with . A lovely family, loving wife, loving parents, loving children, loving sister and so on and so forth. My mind just had the surge to start whinning again. Had to bring back to the point that I was trying to list out my blessings. Roti, Kapada and Makan is their by Gods providence. As somebody said You can say you have enough money when you can buy things that you wish. Have I reached that stage. Well here I have to compare, 10 years back I was not in that stage but today definitely they are something which I can buy. But then are you the same as 10 years back. You have two kids my friend. So money will never be enough. What else do you have?? Have been leading a healthy and comfy life for the last 10 years. Has all the basic amneties? Is it only 10 years? OK let us say once I started living on my own earnings. So what else you have. Health, Wealth(debatable), Supportive social system. Well have been lagging on the social life in terms of another wealth which is friends. Other than work related I never had other friends for the last 10 years, that is pathetic. Why is it?? Need to think about it.
I will stop for now. I did threw up what came in my mind. Well as days progress I will have a proper sense probably.